Healing of a heart...
Raul Garcia III
Healing of a heart...
12/11/17
You know how hard this is for me to put on paper. I really don't like complaining or bitching about things in my life.
I'm a pretty go with the flow kind of person. I'm the type of person where if one door closes, God will open up another
one. Let go and let God take care of it. So for me to put my feelings on paper and make myself vulnerable is tough.
It’s not me. I can make myself vulnerable when I preach because I want to reach people, I want people to feel what
I felt, I want people to know how I felt at that moment, I want to be real with the people I preach too. Shouldn't I feel
the same about this too. But it feels weird for me. Why do I feel ashamed about writing about something that a lot
of us have gone through but haven't had the balls to put to paper because of the repercussions of what can happen.
So I needed to write this to make this right in my heart. I know there are lots of my colleagues, rostered and
non-rostered people who are afraid to say anything or are oblivious of what they did or are doing because of their
leadership position because they don't want to lose their job or bring harm to a church we love. I get it. I have
been wanting to write this for a quite a few years but was afraid of what could happen to me and where it would
have left me and my family. My salary was a big chunk of our lifestyle. Not that we lived an extravagant life but we
were doing alright. I didn't want our family to struggle anymore than we have been.
I'm a pretty go with the flow kind of person. I'm the type of person where if one door closes, God will open up another
one. Let go and let God take care of it. So for me to put my feelings on paper and make myself vulnerable is tough.
It’s not me. I can make myself vulnerable when I preach because I want to reach people, I want people to feel what
I felt, I want people to know how I felt at that moment, I want to be real with the people I preach too. Shouldn't I feel
the same about this too. But it feels weird for me. Why do I feel ashamed about writing about something that a lot
of us have gone through but haven't had the balls to put to paper because of the repercussions of what can happen.
So I needed to write this to make this right in my heart. I know there are lots of my colleagues, rostered and
non-rostered people who are afraid to say anything or are oblivious of what they did or are doing because of their
leadership position because they don't want to lose their job or bring harm to a church we love. I get it. I have
been wanting to write this for a quite a few years but was afraid of what could happen to me and where it would
have left me and my family. My salary was a big chunk of our lifestyle. Not that we lived an extravagant life but we
were doing alright. I didn't want our family to struggle anymore than we have been.
A couple weeks ago I went to a Boundaries Workshop our synod helped host. This boundaries workshop was
great and lead by a great facilitator. She was tremendous and loved the workshop. We talked a lot about sexual
harassment and harassment. In this day and age where we have TV host, senators and public figures resigning from
their positions because of sexual harassment. I think it’s more than sexual harassment. So while I was in this workshop
I was surrounded by a lot of colleagues. Our facilitator, made us make a big plus sign on a sheet of paper and one side
was a place where I feel I could be myself. I am myself with my wife and family, friends and my new call. On the other
side of the paper we wrote about a place or time where we couldn't be ourselves. I instantly went back to my last call in
a big suburban church. A congregation I gratefully served for 12 years. I was myself for nine years and did great ministry
and did what I was suppose to do. The last three years I was not myself. I still think I did great ministry according to
members of the church, but I was picked on for little things that really didn’t matter only by the leadership. So as we were
in this workshop the definition of harassment came up and I read it, it instantly took me to this time in my life and specific
people in leadership positions that made this unhealthy. Here is part of the definition of harassment that took back to the
place I started to hate the church; effect of unreasonably interfering with an individual’s work performance or creates an
intimidating, hostile, or offensive working environment. The nail hit the head when I read that definition. I was serving in
an unhealthy, intimidating, hostile, offensive working environment. Isn't this place the building where we do the work for
the church a place to show compassion, love, trust and Grace. When you overhear staff say mexican jokes because they
went to mexico for vacation and don’t realize that comment that should not have been said but others are laughing, or
asking you to speak english and not Spanish. Several occasions having a meeting with a person in a leadership position
who slams their hand on their desk and say, “You are going to what I tell you to do and I don't care what you think.”
Being afraid to say anything to leadership because you know that it was going to come back and haunt you, so I just dealt
with it. Whatever doesn’t hurt you make you stronger right?!?!
Leadership always talked about how much they cared for us all and wanted the best for us. “You claim to be this
collaborative leader who cares about your team, but truth is you’re no different from any other ego-driven exec. The
‘because I said so’ school of leadership might have worked for you coming up the ranks, but it doesn’t fly anymore.
Life’s too short to work for someone like that.”(Medcalf, J. and Mattison,S. The War at Work. Publisher Not Identified, 2017.)
great and lead by a great facilitator. She was tremendous and loved the workshop. We talked a lot about sexual
harassment and harassment. In this day and age where we have TV host, senators and public figures resigning from
their positions because of sexual harassment. I think it’s more than sexual harassment. So while I was in this workshop
I was surrounded by a lot of colleagues. Our facilitator, made us make a big plus sign on a sheet of paper and one side
was a place where I feel I could be myself. I am myself with my wife and family, friends and my new call. On the other
side of the paper we wrote about a place or time where we couldn't be ourselves. I instantly went back to my last call in
a big suburban church. A congregation I gratefully served for 12 years. I was myself for nine years and did great ministry
and did what I was suppose to do. The last three years I was not myself. I still think I did great ministry according to
members of the church, but I was picked on for little things that really didn’t matter only by the leadership. So as we were
in this workshop the definition of harassment came up and I read it, it instantly took me to this time in my life and specific
people in leadership positions that made this unhealthy. Here is part of the definition of harassment that took back to the
place I started to hate the church; effect of unreasonably interfering with an individual’s work performance or creates an
intimidating, hostile, or offensive working environment. The nail hit the head when I read that definition. I was serving in
an unhealthy, intimidating, hostile, offensive working environment. Isn't this place the building where we do the work for
the church a place to show compassion, love, trust and Grace. When you overhear staff say mexican jokes because they
went to mexico for vacation and don’t realize that comment that should not have been said but others are laughing, or
asking you to speak english and not Spanish. Several occasions having a meeting with a person in a leadership position
who slams their hand on their desk and say, “You are going to what I tell you to do and I don't care what you think.”
Being afraid to say anything to leadership because you know that it was going to come back and haunt you, so I just dealt
with it. Whatever doesn’t hurt you make you stronger right?!?!
Leadership always talked about how much they cared for us all and wanted the best for us. “You claim to be this
collaborative leader who cares about your team, but truth is you’re no different from any other ego-driven exec. The
‘because I said so’ school of leadership might have worked for you coming up the ranks, but it doesn’t fly anymore.
Life’s too short to work for someone like that.”(Medcalf, J. and Mattison,S. The War at Work. Publisher Not Identified, 2017.)
Deep down it started to hurt me and I started to hate to drive into the church parking lot. I hate to say this but I really
hated some people on staff because of how I was treated and didn’t want to be there. For three years it was like this.
I was walking on eggshells because I didn’t want to get yelled at or get written up for being ten minutes late to be at
my desk. It was a hostile environment I didn't want to be in or be a part of. Even when I meet with leadership and told
them what was happening nothing happened or it seemed like nothing happened because nothing was ever reported
back to me. If this was to happen outside the church in a business I suppose I could report this to human resources
and this person would have been let go or fired along with others whom let this happen not just to me but to the other
employees who left this church.
hated some people on staff because of how I was treated and didn’t want to be there. For three years it was like this.
I was walking on eggshells because I didn’t want to get yelled at or get written up for being ten minutes late to be at
my desk. It was a hostile environment I didn't want to be in or be a part of. Even when I meet with leadership and told
them what was happening nothing happened or it seemed like nothing happened because nothing was ever reported
back to me. If this was to happen outside the church in a business I suppose I could report this to human resources
and this person would have been let go or fired along with others whom let this happen not just to me but to the other
employees who left this church.
This blip of my life made me hate the church. HATE THE CHURCH!! I call it a blip because this scenario doesn't
define who I am. When your daughter comes up to you and says dad, “You don’t look so stressed anymore.”
Imagine that. I was walking on eggshells and not living for my family, the Gospel and not being myself. You are probably
saying to yourselves, well why didn't you leave the church and go somewhere else. I did have a few irons in the fire and
turned done a few offers to other places. It was the ministry that I was doing that fired me up. The adult leaders, parents
and some staff that loved me and encouraged me and the students who loved being at church. That brought fire to my
soul. It was the leadership that made my working environment to put it in basic terms, SUCK, and
they had no idea. Maybe they did know but they just wanted to brush it under the rug so no one can see. Apparently
just writing our feelings on a sheet of paper ripping them into small pieces and placing them in a sandwich bag took
all this harassment and hostile working environment away for us to be okay so we can start over. I call bulls#&t on that!!
My hurts from this goes down deeper than a piece of paper. But no one cared. That’s okay because I need to get out
of this funk myself because I wasn’t myself.
define who I am. When your daughter comes up to you and says dad, “You don’t look so stressed anymore.”
Imagine that. I was walking on eggshells and not living for my family, the Gospel and not being myself. You are probably
saying to yourselves, well why didn't you leave the church and go somewhere else. I did have a few irons in the fire and
turned done a few offers to other places. It was the ministry that I was doing that fired me up. The adult leaders, parents
and some staff that loved me and encouraged me and the students who loved being at church. That brought fire to my
soul. It was the leadership that made my working environment to put it in basic terms, SUCK, and
they had no idea. Maybe they did know but they just wanted to brush it under the rug so no one can see. Apparently
just writing our feelings on a sheet of paper ripping them into small pieces and placing them in a sandwich bag took
all this harassment and hostile working environment away for us to be okay so we can start over. I call bulls#&t on that!!
My hurts from this goes down deeper than a piece of paper. But no one cared. That’s okay because I need to get out
of this funk myself because I wasn’t myself.
Life is too short to worry about the small stuff. Like I said this was a blip in my life serving in the church and doing
other things in my life. After I resigned from this place I took sometime to be with myself, be with my family and to really,
really pray and read scripture and wonder where God was calling me. It has taken some time but my heart has healed
and I do not hate anymore. I serve in a place that feeds my soul and makes sure that I am doing my family ministry
at home and at church. Life too short and I am always open to new adventures that come my way. I have been in my
current call for two years now and love every minute of it.
other things in my life. After I resigned from this place I took sometime to be with myself, be with my family and to really,
really pray and read scripture and wonder where God was calling me. It has taken some time but my heart has healed
and I do not hate anymore. I serve in a place that feeds my soul and makes sure that I am doing my family ministry
at home and at church. Life too short and I am always open to new adventures that come my way. I have been in my
current call for two years now and love every minute of it.
I wrote this not to slander anyone or hurt any place but for people in leadership positions to realize what you are
doing sometimes is not good or healthy. You may not seem to be hurting others but you are. You are making decisions
that affect the whole staff not just to make you feel if I’m okay everyone should be too. I also wrote this for me to fully
come around and be fully healed but also because there are some church workers and very good ones
who want to leave the church or have left the church because of how they have been or are being treated.
Top Notch people in my book that love this church but somehow, someway spoke up and stood up for themselves and
were not valued.
doing sometimes is not good or healthy. You may not seem to be hurting others but you are. You are making decisions
that affect the whole staff not just to make you feel if I’m okay everyone should be too. I also wrote this for me to fully
come around and be fully healed but also because there are some church workers and very good ones
who want to leave the church or have left the church because of how they have been or are being treated.
Top Notch people in my book that love this church but somehow, someway spoke up and stood up for themselves and
were not valued.
Please have the courage to take a stand and stand up for yourself. Let others know whats is going on.
Life’s too short to worry about the small stuff.
God's Peace and Love,
Raul Garcia III
Life’s too short to worry about the small stuff.
God's Peace and Love,
Raul Garcia III
If you would like to contact me:
email: futbolraul@yahoo.com
cell #: 952-451-9398
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